Beautiful Chunk: Love

I love love. I do. I think it is the best feeling and emotion that we can feel and express. I will always love love no matter what.

For some reason today I keep thinking about love. In a romantic sense. I miss it. A lot. I haven't felt real love in about a year. I was with someone for the past 3 years and we broke up in February. It was hard, but it was 100% the right thing to do. There was no more love. And a relationship without romantic love is just a friendship. Friendships are awesome, but when you are looking for real love...they just don't cut it.

Unfortunately I am an emotional girl and I have written a few times about my past relationship in this blog. This blog is not really meant for that, but hey...sometimes it happens. (like right now lol)

The reason why any of this is even being brought up is because I am feeling a little...proud. I am so proud of how far I have come the past year and a half during my weight loss journey. Both physically and emotionally. Esp the past 6 months.

I have learned to be myself, respect myself and most importantly...love myself. What I mean by this is that I have really defined and figured out who I am as a person. I am not defined by anyone else. I am my own person. I think that a lot of people in their 20's struggle with this and it takes them a long time to figure out. Finally...after 7 years of being in my 20s...it took a breakup and a weightloss journey to figure it out. But I am THANKFUL that I did.

I spent 3 years with the wrong person just because they loved me at 315lbs.

December 2010
Around my heaviest weight: 315lbs

I like to convince myself that that is not the reason why I stayed so long...but deep down in my heart (and large gut) I know that it is true. Sad...but true. I felt like I owed it to him to stay with him, even when the love was fading, because he loved me at my absolute worst and he deserved to be around when I reached my best. WRONG. So totally wrong. It took a long to figure out that I deserved better. He was wrong for me in every way and I finally realized that.

Now, 57lbs down with a a lot more to go, I am more confident and I believe that every person should keep looking until they find someone they deserve. Please don't settle. Please. It's just a waste of time. And if you have any thoughts that you think you are settling...please don't be scared to make changes in your life. You only get one life to live and you should spend every ~~minute~~ second of it being happy.

So many crazy and not so positive things have happened so far in 2012. Even through all of that...I can still say that this is one of the best years of my life. I have learned so much and grown so much as a person. For this reason alone...I will always remain an optimist. I will always believe that a positive can be found in every negative. This just proves that 100%.