Sigh...
...I'm still here. It's been a loooooong time since I've written a post so I decided that it's time to fill everyone in on what's been going on in my life!
First off...I GOT A NEW JOB! An amazing job. A fabulous job. Pretty much my DREAM job! With that new job comes a lot more responsibility and work. What this translates to: no more blogging at work...womp womp. At work blogging used to be my favorite hobby haha. I don't have a work space at home or a laptop that doesn't resemble a fossil, so I rarely boot up to write. And let's be real...typing a whole post on an iPad...no thanks. Work was really the only time I ever updated so since I can't do that anymore...that's why there haven't been many posts. OH and the fact that I have made some terrible mistakes....
Yes. I've backtracked. A lot.
I am currently in a downward spiral headed back to where I started at over 300lbs. This news saddens me to a point of tears. I'm in denial and I will not step on the scale. I can not and will not face that disgusting number that tells me that I've failed. I hate that word...fail. Someone can only fail if they give up and I refuse to give up. However, I will be honest with myself and admit that I've really messed up. Bad.
Even though I don't know how much weight I've actually gained...I can tell by the way that I look and feel that it isn't good. My face looks bigger and my clothes feel different. I used to get so excited about how my clothes fit and now I get sad. I hate this feeling and it's time to really fix it.
I know I know...how many times have I typed that sentence on this blog?? Probably about 100. In fact...I believe I wrote an inspiring post a few posts back saying it was time to fix things...and guess what?! I didn't. That's life. You make these big plans based on the motivation you're feeling and then it doesn't work out. That's all a big part of this thing we call a weightloss journey. It sucks, yes, but it's important. Everyone must reach their lows in life to appreciate the highs and strive for improvement.
There are so many things going against me and it would be so easy to say "f this...I quit!" But no...I can't do that because as I have stated over and over....I.will.not.fail.
My new job is in Philadelphia which is about 45mins to an hour commute. This is where my problems are happening. I no longer work near my favorite gym location. This is heartbreaking. All of my favorite classes, gym friends and instructors were here! Not only was the gym close to my old job, but it was SO easy for me to make all of the 5:45pm classes after work. Now...I don't even get home until 6pm and I am about 20 minutes away from that location. No more kickboxing, no more skanky zumba, no more gym friends and no more favorite instructors. This alone is terrible. Heartbreaking. Unfortunate. Anyone who works out knows how important it is to enjoy what you're doing...add a few friends to the equation and you got yourself a great gym routine. The only solution to this that I can come up with is to find replacements. Find new classes to fall in love with and make new friends. Lame.
I really need to make a new routine. I need to go to work, eat on track, come home and workout. I can do this. I know I can. I just need to start from scratch and DO IT. This pretty much means starting at the beginning. My workout progress has def regressed and I need to start slow again. I think that walking outside is the best place to start...
Help me get my motivation back.
Hey Julie, this is my first time reading your blog and it saddens me how frustrated you are. You have the strength to do this! Identify the reasons why you have slipped, and make yourself a priority! Join sites where you can log your calories, and log your exercises, and keep yourself accountable! This is SO important. I myself lost 80lbs this way. I was able to maintain my loss for nearly two years, and it wasn't until lately that my weight crept back up. Suddenly, I have put on 20lbs. It is frustrating! But we both have the tools to make changes. Recently I rejoined the site that had kept my on track so long, loseit.com, and I find it helps me to keep accountable. You will make new friends and develop new fitness passions, as long as YOU MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.
ReplyDelete- Kate
PS. The reason why I suggest loseit.com (although I am not familiar with myfitnesspal) is because it is set up in a way similar to facebook where you have online friends/supporters all on the same journey as you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kate!!! I should check out that website. Being held accountable is huge for me! It's the reason why I started this blog andi had my most success while I was attending regular weight watcher classes! I need to get back on that maybe?!
DeleteThank you for your help!!! :) and congrats on your success!
The main point is you've realised you need to sort it out and get back on track. Never. Give. Up. We all know you can do this!
ReplyDeleteAww thank you Chloe! I promise I will never give up! :)
DeleteI am glad you wrote a post, I know how hard it is sometimes admitting out loud what you don't even want to admit to yourself in private. I am right there with you. There is this feeling of failure and feeling like you've let other people down. you have not. You had major life changes on a lot of fronts and you took some time to adjust and live your life and naturally some things fell by the wayside. Going to the gym is hard no matter what, even in the best of situations. It's even harder to go when you don't have "friends" or "classes" that you are used to.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you are breathing and trying then you are not failing. Your continual, even infrequent, check in's here, signify that you have a fighting spirit and something inside of you that won't quit.
Good thing about all this is that you have the opportunity to begin again, this time with just a little bit more knowledge and experience than before. Fresh start, for your new life. No matter what you are beautiful on the inside and out.
I will always be right here, excited to see where your journey leads. I won't ever give up on you!
Wow you are amazing. Your words always touch me. Thank you so much, it's you that always gives me the fire inside to keep trying! I'm so thankful for our friendship!!!!!! xoxo!!!!
Deletejust found your blog and wanted to say Congrats on the new job!! that's awesome, you sound very excited about it (despite the negatives like not being close to the gym).
ReplyDeleteI also backtracked when I started losing weight (I lost 30 pounds and gained 50 before losing over 160! total). The thing is, even if you re-gain, as long as you don't give up, you're doing it. Don't give up! I know that sounds hokey, but it's true. Good luck on your journey!
You give me hope! It's so nice to hear that others have gone through the yo-yo weightloss...but still achieved their goals!! Thank you for letting me know that backtracking is OK and that I will eventually get there! YAY!! And congrats on your success!! :)
DeleteHey there - just keep doing your thing, yo. Take care of yourself and remember, just because you backslide doesn't mean you're failing - honestly, it doesn't. Waves have to crash down before they can rise up again. It's all a cycle and there is no such thing as permanent progress in anything, whether it be economics, fitness, emotions, whatever. I know it sucks really hard, but try to keep your chin up and just take it day by day.
ReplyDeleteAww thank you so much!! :)
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