Highest Weight + 15

So I guess it doesn't really make sense to say that I weighed in last night as my highest weight plus 15lbs.  I should just say I weighed in at my highest weight. Ever.  Shocker...but not really.  I knew it would be bad, I could tell.

I've always been honest on this blog and just because I haven't been blogging for awhile...ahem...like the past year or so...doesn't mean I will stop being honest. I have nothing to hide, I am who I am even if that means letting the world know how much I actually weigh now.  So here we go...

I weighed in last night at 329.4lbs.

Yup...not only did I gain back those 50lbs I lost 2 years ago but let's add an extra 15lbs to that.  I'm not mad at it.  Disappointed, YES, but not mad.  I went through a lot in the past year or so and I knew that this would happen.  I guess it just shows that I wasn't ready for the realllll life change.  Am I ready now?  Who the f knows but I'm going to try again!!

That's me! Starting my journey once more.  Story of my life but I will always keep going.  I never did give up, I guess I just needed to start over?  Who knows, all that matters is I'm back at it!  I went to my first meeting last night and Tuesdays will be my new weigh in day.  That means I have one day of damage control after the weekend...haha jk...kinda...?  :)

Knowing myself, I know what is important for me to succeed.  The #1 thing is I need support.  I can not do this myself, I need help. No, not from my friends who are great btw, but by someone who is unbiased and understands what I go through everyday.  Someone who understands that this isn't as easy as "just stop eating bad food" or "just work out more."  I think I found what I need!  I absolutely LOVE the meeting leader and the ladies who do the weigh ins.  They are awesome. They were so sweet, supportive and encouraging.  I felt the connection I was looking for as soon as I stepped up to be weighed in. Love love love.  Not to mention that the fact she wrote little hearts in my name....omg come on. In love.  The meeting leader was so comforting and genuine.  She sat down and talked to new members and you could tell she understood why we were there and genuinely wanted to help.  That is what I was looking for and that is what makes me successful.

So here goes my first week! Wish me luck!

Here we go again...

I'm joining Weight Watchers tonight.  Again.  It's time.

I will update soon with how my first meeting and week went.  Time to get back into this.

Back in the North!

My little mini vacation to the South is over!  I came back on Tuesday the 31st and it's so good to be home!  Don't get me wrong, I had a great time! But...I am NOT a Southern girl...at all.

We flew in to Jacksonville, FL and stayed there a few days and then went to the middle of nowhere in Georgia...also known as Valdosta, GA.  Yes, the same town the new VH1 show "Hot GRITS" is filmed, oh boy! (Disclaimer: I am in no way hinting that you should watch that show, it is a bit of a train wreck and will piss you off if you live in the South.)

The purpose of the trip was to meet my boyfriends family for the first time (it's been over a year, it was time).  He was in the Air Force and was stationed in New Jersey, that's how we met.  He's originally from Jacksonville and his family now lives in Valdosta, so that's why we went to both places.

We went to the beach in Jacksonville and of course it was chilly, cloudy and rainy.  However, it was the beach and it was beautiful and we were happy to be there.

Jacksonville Beach
Cloudy and Beautiful

My Love

The one thing about the south is they like to eat...really good and really bad for you food.  I ate so much yummy food that was just bad bad bad.  I enjoyed it though!  Fresh sweet tea at every meal and the best desserts!! Mmm banana pudding and peach cobbler.  Drool.  Needless to say, I probably gained a few pounds...whatever.

I'm Sorry

Sike, I'm def NOT sorry!
Hot and Readys...I die

The BEST Peach Cobbler mmm

So all in all I had a great relaxing week in the South.  I love my boyfriends family and I hope to be a part of it one day!  It was great to see where he came from and I loved that he got to see his family!  I hope we can go back soon and they will come visit us so we can show them NYC!

The small city of Jacksonville!

Love

Meet the Parents

I'm off on a 1 week vacation to Florida and Georgia to go meet my boyfriends parents for the first time...nervous.  I'm sure it will be fun and I'm looking forward to beach time and nice weather!!

Food will probably be very southern, very fried and very good.  I will try to be good, no promises.  It's vacation and I plan on indulging...but not stupidly (so not a word).  We will see how this goes.

Back to my normal routine when I return!!

Weigh In? Weekly recap

I weighed myself today and it said I lost 5lbs. I'll take it.  I mean I have been watching what I eat and such or maybe when I weighed in last week I was just extra heavy.  Either way the number is lower so that's a plus.

I went on some mini walks this week. And by mini I mean miiiiiniiiii.  I used to go on 4-5+ mile walks and this week I went on 1+ mile walks.  It's crazy how much things can change with weight gain!  Now...I do have to note that each time I did have my dog with me and he can't go too far.  Each walk I could have gone way longer, but I stopped.  Kirby couldn't keep up and it was getting cooooold.  Once the weather changes....totally getting back up to the 4-5 mile walks!

My little mini family walk 

1.43 Miles...better than nothing!

My goals are to go on walks at least 3 times a week.  When I originally started my weightloss journey 3 years ago, walking was my favorite and only form of exercise.  It works!  So that is what I will be doing for awhile. Excited for nicer weather!!

Regarding my food this week.  Meh, it could have been better. I packed my lunch a lot this week which always helps.  I always am on point for breakfast and lunch.  Dinners sometimes I struggle.  I did ok this week but need to improve.

So overall not a failure of a first week back on track.  Not the best but that's expected.  Nothing but improving from here on out!

Nothing Fits...

I had a strong realization this morning paired up with a long session of pouting.  It seems like that is my favorite activity lately...

I was standing in the middle of my closet in a super cute black peplum shirt realizing that it was less peplum like since the last time I had it on.  I shrugged my shoulders and searched for the pair of pants I wanted to wear with it.  Realizing that they were a size 18, I tried them anyways. Anddddd they didn't fit.  Too small.  Just like everything else.

Since my thought out outfit wasn't going to work, I quickly changed gears and picked out my normal go to outfit these days: tights and a dress.  Tights stretch and dresses fit.  Depressing.  It's always so awkward when someone asks me why I'm so dressed up on casual days. I usually spit out some excuse that I just love dressing up....which is half true.  The other half is simply because nothing fits.

The real kicker is that I participated in the weight loss tradition of purging all of my "big" clothes so that I don't ever look back.  So when I lost my 50lbs I threw out alot.  All of my size 24s, 22s and a lot of my 20s are gone.  Leaving me with 18s...yikes.  I fit into some but only if they're really stretchy, blah.

I refuse to shop right now and my wallet is thanking me. I will not buy new clothes in a bigger size...I just can't.  So my only choices are to keep wearing what I'm wearing and lose some weight so that I can fit into clothes by the time it's too warm for tights. Eeeeeep!!

I can do this.  Fashion is always a great motivator!

New Beginings

It has been moooonths and months since my last post.  So many things have happened. Some amazing and some not so amazing, Here is an abbreviated bullet point list of my life the past 6 months.

• I officially moved in with my boyfriend into his apartment 20 minutes away from Philadelphia and we just recently, 5 days ago, moved north right outside NYC. 
• I started a new job outside NYC soon to be in NYC in the upcoming months.  So exciting, my career goals always involved working in the BIG city! 
• I haven't worked out in a very very long time. I've also gained all of my weight back that I lost!  I had a 1 hour 45 minute commute to work and it has been a nightmare.  Eating awful quick dinners, no time for the gym, you know...making excuses.  I've gained it all back and I'm back at square one.  Depressing but hey...I'm the only person to blame.
• My new apartment has a gym and tons of great walking space.  I am super excited to start working out again! Especially now that I have more time!
• I really miss blogging and I want to start up again. It was the best inspiration and always held me accountable!
• I feel awful again. I am always tired and I can actually feel my body carrying all the extra weight.  Just like the last time, I feel as though I have hit my low point and I'm ready to once again make the changes I need to inorder to begin this journey once more. 

So basically this post was just an update and letting everyone know that I will need to start my weightloss journey over..,.again.  This is the norm I suppose considering the fact that this will be a lifetime journey. Forever. 

What has everyone else been up to? I hope working out and being healthy! 

Everything Happens For a Reason

Wow...where can I even start?  The end of the Summer was the worst time of my life thus far.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  If something doesn't work out in your favor...I strongly believe that is because it wasn't meant to be. Long story short....I started a new job and it didn't work out and in the end I got an even better new new job.

With that being said...my current weightloss situation is bad. Very very bad.  My job is now right outside NYC and my commute is an hour and 45 minutes each way.  I wake up at 6:15am and get home from work anytime between 7-8pm.  It's brutal.  I'm always tired and my weekends are spent catching up on sleep and staying out of the car haha.  I haven't been food prepping and my eating has been not the best.

I really have to move north.  Ugh.  I LOVE PHILADELPHIA :(  I don't want to move! I love NYC but I don't really want to live in North Jersey.  However...in my line of work you have to go to where the jobs are...which are usually outside big cities.  I really like this new job so I am willing to move a little north...but not that far!!

I hope to move at the end of October.  Once that happens I hope to cut down the time I spend commuting so that I can actually have a life m-f and get back to my working out.  I've gained weight and I can tell and it hate it.  I feel gross and I need my workouts!

I'm also really sad that I can't workout with my friend and do our fit by 30 idea.  We can still do it on our own but doing it together was what it was all about. :(

Sorry I've been so MIA but I really had to step away from everything and sort my life out.  Now that it's almost sorted...haha...I can start to get back into my old habits! :)

Fit by 30

I went into Philly last night to meet up with one of my besties for dinner.  We talked and chatted and the subject of working out and losing weight came up.  I told her, over my bacon cheeseburger, that I was struggling with motivation and the desire to keep going day to day.  I explained how I needed help and I needed to feel the motivation I once did.

She's brilliant and came up with the perfect plan of action: "Fit by 30"

It's perfection.  We both will be turning 30 in November, gross, and want to be an improved version of our current selves.  By this she means feeling better mentally and physically, hence the term fit.  In no way does this mean that we are aiming to lose a set amount of weight by November, it just means we want to feel better.

I absolutely love this idea. Especially since 1. we will be doing this together and 2. I want to feel better.  We both got really excited and motivated and put a plan into action!

• I will be joining Weight Watchers again in the upcoming weeks.  I will be travelling for work next week so once I return I am going to hunt out a good location.  Weight Watchers has always worked best for me and I have had a lot of success with it.  I want to go to one around my work so that I can easily go on my lunch break. This will be so much easier because who wants to go weigh in after a long day at work...not I!  Plus sometimes I work late and I don't want to miss a meeting! Perfect solution!
• After work I will drive into the city and go to the gym with her!  We both belong to LA Fitness and I have the plan where I can go to any location.  I was previously bummed about not being close to the location I loved with all my favorite classes and gym friends.  Hopefully going to this new location with her will help with that void.
• We will do this together! Both of us have been on a yo-yo for the past few years.  The best success for both of us was in 2011 when we did it together!  We were each others support system and would always check in with each other. It worked great and we hope it happens again!

Woooooo "Fit by 30"!!

It's Time...Again and Again and Again

Sigh...

...I'm still here.  It's been a loooooong time since I've written a post so I decided that it's time to fill everyone in on what's been going on in my life!

First off...I GOT A NEW JOB! An amazing job.  A fabulous job.  Pretty much my DREAM job!  With that new job comes a lot more responsibility and work. What this translates to: no more blogging at work...womp womp.  At work blogging used to be my favorite hobby haha. I don't have a work space at home or a laptop that doesn't resemble a fossil, so I rarely boot up to write.  And let's be real...typing a whole post on an iPad...no thanks.  Work was really the only time I ever updated so since I can't do that anymore...that's why there haven't been many posts.  OH and the fact that I have made some terrible mistakes....

Yes. I've backtracked. A lot.

I am currently in a downward spiral headed back to where I started at over 300lbs.  This news saddens me to a point of tears. I'm in denial and I will not step on the scale.  I can not and will not face that disgusting number that tells me that I've failed.  I hate that word...fail.  Someone can only fail if they give up and I refuse to give up.  However, I will be honest with myself and admit that I've really messed up.  Bad.

Even though I don't know how much weight I've actually gained...I can tell by the way that I look and feel that it isn't good.  My face looks bigger and my clothes feel different.  I used to get so excited about how my clothes fit and now I get sad.  I hate this feeling and it's time to really fix it.

I know I know...how many times have I typed that sentence on this blog?? Probably about 100. In fact...I believe I wrote an inspiring post a few posts back saying it was time to fix things...and guess what?! I didn't.  That's life.  You make these big plans based on the motivation you're feeling and then it doesn't work out.  That's all a big part of this thing we call a weightloss journey.  It sucks, yes, but it's important.  Everyone must reach their lows in life to appreciate the highs and strive for improvement.

There are so many things going against me and it would be so easy to say "f this...I quit!" But no...I can't do that because as I have stated over and over....I.will.not.fail.

My new job is in Philadelphia which is about 45mins to an hour commute.  This is where my problems are happening.  I no longer work near my favorite gym location.  This is heartbreaking.  All of my favorite classes, gym friends and instructors were here!  Not only was the gym close to my old job, but it was SO easy for me to make all of the 5:45pm classes after work.  Now...I don't even get home until 6pm and I am about 20 minutes away from that location.  No more kickboxing, no more skanky zumba, no more gym friends and no more favorite instructors. This alone is terrible. Heartbreaking. Unfortunate.  Anyone who works out knows how important it is to enjoy what you're doing...add a few friends to the equation and you got yourself a great gym routine. The only solution to this that I can come up with is to find replacements. Find new classes to fall in love with and make new friends. Lame.

I really need to make a new routine.  I need to go to work, eat on track, come home and workout.  I can do this.  I know I can.  I just need to start from scratch and DO IT.  This pretty much means starting at the beginning.  My workout progress has def regressed and I need to start slow again. I think that walking outside is the best place to start...

Help me get my motivation back.