WLS and Makeup

It's no secret, I am obsessed with makeup.  I love how it transforms your creativity into beauty.  It's such an awesome tool to build confidence and express ones self.  I'm. A. Fan.

It's also no secret that I got weight loss surgery (WLS) back in September.  I've lost 90lbs and am feeling the best I ever have.

So what does WLS  and makeup have in common?  CONFIDENCE.

I have never felt as confident as I have the past few months.  My face is thinner and my eyes have widened.  I have changed up my makeup routine based on these new features and can finally do my makeup the way I have always wanted to!

I am obsessed with eyeliner.  I love a dark smokey eye and super dramatic winged liner.  I had a difficult time rocking this look when I was heavier because my eyes were small.  Using liner on your waterline can sometimes make your eyes look even smaller.  Now that my eyes have widened, I wear eyeliner in my waterline everyday!

Earthquake on my water line! 

Winged liner and hockey! 

One of the best eyeliners for this is the Marc Jacobs Highliner.  I have it in Mist Me, Earthquake and .  Blacquer.  I LOVE IT! It is so creamy and stays on your waterline all day.  It's also great from smudging on your eyelids for that smokey rockstar look.  They have so many colors too, I can't wait to experiment with more dramatic colors. 

The more weight I lose, the more confidence I get!  I can't wait to be able to feel comfortable to express myself in all aspects of life.  





I received the Marc Jacobs Highliner in Mist Me and Earthquake complimentary for testing purposes.  All reviews are my own, this product is awesome! @Influenster @MarcBeauty #Highliner #contest 

"Bariatric Surgery is the Easy Way Out!!" - Said No One Who Has Had It

If someone ever says that to me, I am going to slap the shit out of them.


I'm guilty, I used to think this.  Back when I was "losing weight the normal way."  I thought that I would beat obesity by myself without needing this and those who got it may not have tried the normal way.  UMMMMMMMMMM no.

This entire journey has been a crazy mind f*ck that has not been easy.


The preop diet was fine, to me that was like a normal diet I have been on my entire life just now needed to focus on protein.  Oh the joy.  It's post op that has been hard!!

First off, it's a common misconception that just because you have weightloss surgery that the pounds just melt off.  That's not true.  We have to work just as hard to lose weight as people who have not had surgery, we just have a little more luck with the numbers (usually).  I eat healthy every day, high protein, low carb. I track everything. I workout, I track that too. I drink a crap ton of water, also always tracked.  I have a fitbit and try to reach 10k steps a day, tracked on an app.  After all that, I have lost 23-24lbs since surgery on 9/7/16.  Maybe it would be more than if I did all those things without having surgery, maybe it wouldn't be.  But in that time period I have worked my ass off and have followed all of the "rules", tried my very best.

I can honestly say I am working harder now than I ever have before! Physically and mentally. I can't eat shit on a cheat day, in fact, I can't even have one.  Pizza...nope, not unless it's on a piece of eggplant or in a damn baked wonton (no I'm not complaining, they are good actually).  If I want something, I can't just have it. I can't "track it and move on." (love for all my weight watchers peeps).  So that's been a mental battle sometimes but overall I have been successful winning those and avoiding the cravings.  I just try to alter whatever I want into something I can have. AKA homemade healthy burger, no bun.  

There have been days/weeks where I have lost nothing.  I hit a stall for 2 weeks where the scale didn't budge.  Also right now, I have weighed the same for 4 days.  Think about how mentally f*cked up that is...to work your ass off, eat like 500-700 calories a day, burn most of those calories by working out, pay $$$$$ for surgery and still not lose weight.  It's discouraging, but you have to trust the process, which is what I tell myself everyday.  Marathon, not a sprint.


So what's the difference between me and someone who hasn't had surgery? I have 5 little scars and a tiny ass stomach inside my body.  It's the same journey, just this time it will work!! (Eventually)

SURPRISE!!!

So I think it's time to share my LIFE CHANGING decision with everyone!


On September 7th, I got VSG surgery!  For those of you who don't know what that is, I basically had weightloss surgery to have half my stomach removed.




This wasn't an impulse decision, it was something I was researching and considering for awhile.  I have been big my entire life and I haven't had much success.  Losing weight is the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do and I decided that it was time to get some permanent help!

My journey started May 2016 where I went to an information session about weightloss surgeries.  You learn everything from what the surgery entails, the risks and how your life will forever change.  I made an appointment with the surgeon as soon as possible to get the process started.  Everyone is different due to insurance regulations, there are different processes you have to take based on what will be approved by them.  For me, I had to have 4 months consecutive office visits with the surgeon, a psych eval, EKG, upper GI xray, nutritionist visits and a 90day supervised exercise program.  I was able to finish everything by mid August and my surgery was scheduled right after that!

Everything was pretty simple, the 90 day exercise program was the most annoying. I had to go every week to a physical therapy place where they gave me workouts to do.  10 mins on the treadmill, 10 mins on the bike, 10 mins on the arm bike, weight lifting and other cardio exercises.  It was like $70 a pop so it got expensive.  It was also annoying because I felt like the people there weren't very nice to me but whatever. Glad that is done!

I was very nervous once surgery came closer.  I had lost about 23lbs since May on the preop diet.  That included just eating healthier and changing some habits that helped you transition into life after surgery.  The most significant change would be the protein shakes.  I had one every day for breakfast and still do.  Other changes was just to focus on protein and less carbs, not too bad!  I did have many food funerals though, which included pizza, burgers, fries and all that JUNK!

On the day of surgery I weighed in at 308lbs.

Surgery for me was pretty easy! I feel like I had a textbook experience.  I felt bad pain once from gas while at the hospital but that was it! I was up and walking a few hours after surgery.  I felt amazing! I spent the night in the hospital, had a leak test the next day and then I was sent home!  Overall I felt very positive about the whole experience!

Once I was home I was on a 2 week liquid diet which consisted of mostly protein shakes.  Everyday you have to hit a 60g protein goal.  Those 2 weeks were the hardest but I kept focus and they flew by!  During that time I had NO energy and was in bed alot but still managed to get a few walks in.  The next 2 weeks were a pureed diet which was mostly eggs, beans, soft cheeses, greek yogurt.  Needless to say I ate A LOT of eggs lol!  That was a hard two weeks as well but I did it! After 4 weeks you can move on to normal food.  That was an awesome day haha!  You still have to eat protein and low carb but being able to eat chicken and veggies was amazing!

4 Days Post Op

 My scars are very small, I have 5, you can't see the 5th, it's in my belly button!  Now, 5 weeks post op they are even better!  I feel amazing now!  I have all my energy back and I am feeling like my old self!  Well, not entirely of course! :)

I have lost a total of 46lbs and 23lbs since surgery!  I have lost even more inches! I started off as a size 22/24 and now I am in size 20!  Everyday is so great, I am not struggling at all. I have made great choices and do not miss bread or carbs at all!  I am very happy with this decision and I have no regrets! :)  I will update again soon!

I Miss You.

I miss this blog.  I miss it alot.  It used to be the best outlet for me during my weightloss journey journeys.  This blog turned 5 years old in January....and guess what?!?!

I'm still fat.

Yup, another failed attempt.  I gave it my all and was able to lose about 50lbs in 2011-2013.  I had back surgery which derailed my journey big time.  I also got a new job which totally changed my schedule and made it almost impossible to get to a gym on weekdays. I gained those 50lbs back and even an extra 20lbs, just for good measure!  Now I sit here at 331lbs  324.7lbs (I lost a few), my biggest yet.  Yay!! Go me!

...

What happened, you may ask....life happened.  I was living a very unrealistic lifestyle that made me so successful.  I was working out 5-6x a week for 2+ hours, eating the same food everyday and avoiding social functions.  The easiest way for me to explain "what happened" is to compare my journey to the shitshow known as The Biggest Loser.  I was in an environment that was controlled and made it easier for me to be successful. It wasn't realistic and as soon as my environment was altered and changed, I gained my weight back. I'm sure this story sounds all too familiar...it's pretty common.

I decided to make another change that I have been working on since May.  I will update soon with what that change is!  Until then....salads for days.

New Journey

Wow....this weightloss journey has been....normal??  That's what I will call it...normal.  We all know a weightloss journey never stops. Up and down, up and down, up and down.  Story. of. my. life.

I may be starting a new journey, and if I do, maybe I will blog about it...


....maybe.

Yumm! Shrimp Bruschetta with new olive oil!

Everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE making bruschetta!  Fresh and homemade is the best!  I have always made it with chicken but this time I decided to try something new....SHRIMP!

My "recipe" is always the same:

1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Balsamic Vinegar
Garlic
Tomatoes
Basil
Salt
Pepper

That's it!

I love to use the heirloom tomatoes, they have the best flavor and color.  Hey, if you're going to eat it, mine as well look pretty too!  I had this new olive oil to try and it sounded so good  What better recipe to use it with than bruschetta?  It was the new Filippo Berio Robusto Olive Oil.   It was meant to have a stronger flavor than others and it did!  It was so yummy in this recipe, it really brought out the nutty flavor of the olive oil and complimented the vinegar and tomatoes perfectly.  I highly recommend!

Yum!  

I love this dish so much and I will always make it!



**Please note that I received this olive oil free for testing purposes.

Status Update

It's been awhile and I have been busy!

There was one week where I had a basketball game on Tuesday, soccer game on Wednesday, dinner plans on Thursday and a dinner party on Friday!  It was such a busy week filled with at least 3 sporting event hot dogs and a lot of poor food choices!  I was so busy that week that I didn't make it to a weight watchers meeting and I skipped a week. I ended up going the following week and weighed in 1.6lbs lighter! Not bad!

1.6lb loss!

Philadelphia Union soccer game!

I have to say that I am very lucky I didn't gain weight during that time. I did eat bad for dinner every day but I made sure to stay on point during lunch and other meals.  It was easier than I thought it would be actually. Yay!  #lifechanges

Chicken Salad and Kirby

Turkey Sandwich and Hummus

Yummy Omelet

Bruschetta Chicken

In other news....my last week didn't go as well.

My work just recently moved to New York City and I must commute into the city everyday.  Talk about a routine change!!  I wake up earlier, get home later, walk a ton and spend a lot of money. Needless to say my weigh in wasn't very good.  I ended up gaining 1lb and I'm not too upset about it. Life threw me a curve ball and weight watchers helped me deal with it.  It's ok to gain a pound as long as you try harder next week.

No worries, I got this!

Weigh In!

So to follow up on how I did regarding my last post about being worried over weekend indulgences...ummmm I kicked ass.  Yes. I. Did.

I lost 5.2lbs for a total of 9.2lbs in 2 weeks!

So many stars. Yeah baby!

Yes yes YES! I know that it comes off fast in the beginning but still, so stoked. I always second guess myself and play mind games.  I need to remember that just because I indulge in one item one day, doesn't mean my whole week is ruined.  Let's be honest...totally ate a big brownie today and I'm already freaking out about weigh in next week. IT'S OK JULIE...calm the f down.

Side note:

Had a work bbq yesterday and I did well.  I allowed myself to have 1 main item as long as I brought my own "sides."  No potato salad or chips for me!  :)  I was satisfied and proud that I made the right choices.

Large point lunch but so much better than it could have been!

I am ready to carry my positive vibes from weigh in last night into this next week.  Let's goooooo!!! :)

Weekend Hurdles

This past weekend was only my second weekend back on Weight Watchers and I did have a few obstacles to destroy.  I succeed....for the most part!

It all started on Friday night.  My boyfriend and I look forward to eating out on the weekends as a form of entertainment.  If we don't have plans, we go out to dinner.  Which is totally fine, there are a ton of healthy options when you go out and no one should be scared to do so.  I am happy to say that we went to a Chipotle like place that made my decision making easy.  Bowl with chicken, lettuce, pico, a tiiiny bit of beans, guac and cheese.  Yes....I got cheese. I had the points to spend so I spent them.  It was very good.  The part that turns bad is.....I totally went crazy on chips and queso.  The whole time I knew I shouldn't be eating this but I totally did.  There was a point where I looked at my boyfriend and said "I totally ate that whole cup of queso, didn't I?" Boooo.  As bad as it sounds I was still under my point allotment for the day.  I believe that full of cheese dinner was about 23 points.  I always estimate over what I think the serving sizes are so take the point value with a grain of salt.  I would much rather overestimate than underestimate!  So that was Friday.  I suppose that counts as a win but the scale tomorrow will be that deciding factor!

On to the disgrace known as Saturday...woof.  Friends came over and we went to the pool.  I bought some hummus and pita chips for snacks.  I also bought those crazy weird Lays chips- southern bisquits and gravy and truffle fries.  I bought those for fun so I didn't eat thaaaaat many.  I did eat a crap ton of hummus which was dumb. I should have portioned it out better.  Oh well.  For lunch we got pizza.  I had 2 slices, 1 cheese and 1 pepperoni.  I used the ww cheat sheet which says 1 cheese slice is 7 points and pepperoni is 8. After lunch of course the damn ice cream man has to come.  We all got ice cream and I got an 8 point chipwich.  No regrets there, that little bastard was good.  After the pool I came home and ate dinner which consisted of another piece of pepperoni pizza and more pita chips with hummus.  Such a terribly bad decision, wtf Julie.  Because I have no idea how much I ate through the day I rounded up on everything and over estiamted, because seriously...who knows how much I did eat! (the whole reason why I'm on ww to begin with....HELLO). I ended up closing the day with 61 points used....I had to dip into my weeklies.  BUT THAT'S OK!!! That is why they're there.  :)

That's a whole lotta points right there....yikes!

Ok...so to all of those who have been following my journey from day 1 know that I try to find a positive out of every negative.  There is def a positive to all of this!!  That is...that both Saturday and Sunday mornings were perfect.  Both mornings started out with a 5pp breakfast consisting of 1 egg, egg whites, light dry toast and fruit. That is a huge improvement and something to point out!  Another positive is that even though I ate terribly on Saturday...I was being active at the pool.  I was able to gain 3 activity points that day and that is DEF a check in the win column.  YEAH!!

The last and best positive of this post is how great I did yesterday!  I tried out two healthy meals and it was a good day!  For lunch I made tuna melts and for dinner I had portabella mushroom pizza!

So Yummy!

Lots of cheesy goodness!

Now, the tuna was easy to calculate the points and was only 4pp per slice.  I had 2 slices, pita chips and strawberries for a 12pp lunch.  It was filling and I felt like I was eating a lot of food! Dinner was great and so yummy.  Wegmans sells these portabella pizzas already made and all you have to do is cook them in the over.  They put ALOT of cheese on them so next time I am def taking some off.  According to the package it should be 8pp but just to be safe I added an extra 4 points.  Those little meatballs were turkey meatballs and were great!  Tasted very good and were 4pp for 6!  So total, including sauce, my dinner was 20pp.  That is kinda a lot but I have the points available so I mine as well use them.  I even had 12pp left over for the day (and that includes a yummy ww dessert I had).  Sunday night I also earned 3 activity points for going on a 30 minute walk.  Not much, but hey, it's something!!


So all in all it was a weekend filled with a few slip ups and damage control.  I would call it a success but only Tuesday night will tell!!!  I have to be good today and tomorrow...I can do this!

Weigh In and Weekly Recap

Yesterday was the end of my first week on weight watchers take 2! The first week went so great and I found it very easy to stay on track!  I tracked everything and never went over my daily point values. Even though I stayed on track I was still pretty nervous to weigh in.  I don't know why I was so nervous but I wanted to see a loss. I think I was just scared of the idea of staying on track and it not being good enough for a loss. I always second guess myself on everything...why wouldn't this be any different?  Geeze woman, get it together!!

So on to the weigh in...

I weighed in at 325.4lbs...a 4lb loss! Yeah baby! I'll take it.

Yay!!

I was super happy.  I was hoping for at least 2lbs and look at that, I doubled it. Short skirts are a little bit closer!! (For those of you who have been following my journey forever, you know how I always used to wear the cutest clothes?? Yeah...not anymore. Think of Morticia Adams...black on black.  All day everyday.)

I made a lot of healthy food choices and felt satisfied all week. I decreased my portions and substituted unhealthy foods for better choices.  I have been cooking more and eating out less which is amazing!

Chicken Fajitas

Egg Muffins

Dessert!!

I found it weirdly easy to be good.  I know...me good?! Haha, but I was.  I am so sick of being at this weight.  I'm not myself.  people who didn't know the old me just think I am a miserable negative person, but I'm not.  I'm just miserable and negative about my weight.  It's hard to sit back and see yourself spiraling out of control and feeling as though you can't stop it.  That was me the past year but not anymore.  I have had enough and I am ready to make this change. AGAIN. Yes again for the 100th time.  Hopefully for the last time.

Highest Weight + 15

So I guess it doesn't really make sense to say that I weighed in last night as my highest weight plus 15lbs.  I should just say I weighed in at my highest weight. Ever.  Shocker...but not really.  I knew it would be bad, I could tell.

I've always been honest on this blog and just because I haven't been blogging for awhile...ahem...like the past year or so...doesn't mean I will stop being honest. I have nothing to hide, I am who I am even if that means letting the world know how much I actually weigh now.  So here we go...

I weighed in last night at 329.4lbs.

Yup...not only did I gain back those 50lbs I lost 2 years ago but let's add an extra 15lbs to that.  I'm not mad at it.  Disappointed, YES, but not mad.  I went through a lot in the past year or so and I knew that this would happen.  I guess it just shows that I wasn't ready for the realllll life change.  Am I ready now?  Who the f knows but I'm going to try again!!

That's me! Starting my journey once more.  Story of my life but I will always keep going.  I never did give up, I guess I just needed to start over?  Who knows, all that matters is I'm back at it!  I went to my first meeting last night and Tuesdays will be my new weigh in day.  That means I have one day of damage control after the weekend...haha jk...kinda...?  :)

Knowing myself, I know what is important for me to succeed.  The #1 thing is I need support.  I can not do this myself, I need help. No, not from my friends who are great btw, but by someone who is unbiased and understands what I go through everyday.  Someone who understands that this isn't as easy as "just stop eating bad food" or "just work out more."  I think I found what I need!  I absolutely LOVE the meeting leader and the ladies who do the weigh ins.  They are awesome. They were so sweet, supportive and encouraging.  I felt the connection I was looking for as soon as I stepped up to be weighed in. Love love love.  Not to mention that the fact she wrote little hearts in my name....omg come on. In love.  The meeting leader was so comforting and genuine.  She sat down and talked to new members and you could tell she understood why we were there and genuinely wanted to help.  That is what I was looking for and that is what makes me successful.

So here goes my first week! Wish me luck!

Here we go again...

I'm joining Weight Watchers tonight.  Again.  It's time.

I will update soon with how my first meeting and week went.  Time to get back into this.

Back in the North!

My little mini vacation to the South is over!  I came back on Tuesday the 31st and it's so good to be home!  Don't get me wrong, I had a great time! But...I am NOT a Southern girl...at all.

We flew in to Jacksonville, FL and stayed there a few days and then went to the middle of nowhere in Georgia...also known as Valdosta, GA.  Yes, the same town the new VH1 show "Hot GRITS" is filmed, oh boy! (Disclaimer: I am in no way hinting that you should watch that show, it is a bit of a train wreck and will piss you off if you live in the South.)

The purpose of the trip was to meet my boyfriends family for the first time (it's been over a year, it was time).  He was in the Air Force and was stationed in New Jersey, that's how we met.  He's originally from Jacksonville and his family now lives in Valdosta, so that's why we went to both places.

We went to the beach in Jacksonville and of course it was chilly, cloudy and rainy.  However, it was the beach and it was beautiful and we were happy to be there.

Jacksonville Beach
Cloudy and Beautiful

My Love

The one thing about the south is they like to eat...really good and really bad for you food.  I ate so much yummy food that was just bad bad bad.  I enjoyed it though!  Fresh sweet tea at every meal and the best desserts!! Mmm banana pudding and peach cobbler.  Drool.  Needless to say, I probably gained a few pounds...whatever.

I'm Sorry

Sike, I'm def NOT sorry!
Hot and Readys...I die

The BEST Peach Cobbler mmm

So all in all I had a great relaxing week in the South.  I love my boyfriends family and I hope to be a part of it one day!  It was great to see where he came from and I loved that he got to see his family!  I hope we can go back soon and they will come visit us so we can show them NYC!

The small city of Jacksonville!

Love

Meet the Parents

I'm off on a 1 week vacation to Florida and Georgia to go meet my boyfriends parents for the first time...nervous.  I'm sure it will be fun and I'm looking forward to beach time and nice weather!!

Food will probably be very southern, very fried and very good.  I will try to be good, no promises.  It's vacation and I plan on indulging...but not stupidly (so not a word).  We will see how this goes.

Back to my normal routine when I return!!

Weigh In? Weekly recap

I weighed myself today and it said I lost 5lbs. I'll take it.  I mean I have been watching what I eat and such or maybe when I weighed in last week I was just extra heavy.  Either way the number is lower so that's a plus.

I went on some mini walks this week. And by mini I mean miiiiiniiiii.  I used to go on 4-5+ mile walks and this week I went on 1+ mile walks.  It's crazy how much things can change with weight gain!  Now...I do have to note that each time I did have my dog with me and he can't go too far.  Each walk I could have gone way longer, but I stopped.  Kirby couldn't keep up and it was getting cooooold.  Once the weather changes....totally getting back up to the 4-5 mile walks!

My little mini family walk 

1.43 Miles...better than nothing!

My goals are to go on walks at least 3 times a week.  When I originally started my weightloss journey 3 years ago, walking was my favorite and only form of exercise.  It works!  So that is what I will be doing for awhile. Excited for nicer weather!!

Regarding my food this week.  Meh, it could have been better. I packed my lunch a lot this week which always helps.  I always am on point for breakfast and lunch.  Dinners sometimes I struggle.  I did ok this week but need to improve.

So overall not a failure of a first week back on track.  Not the best but that's expected.  Nothing but improving from here on out!

Nothing Fits...

I had a strong realization this morning paired up with a long session of pouting.  It seems like that is my favorite activity lately...

I was standing in the middle of my closet in a super cute black peplum shirt realizing that it was less peplum like since the last time I had it on.  I shrugged my shoulders and searched for the pair of pants I wanted to wear with it.  Realizing that they were a size 18, I tried them anyways. Anddddd they didn't fit.  Too small.  Just like everything else.

Since my thought out outfit wasn't going to work, I quickly changed gears and picked out my normal go to outfit these days: tights and a dress.  Tights stretch and dresses fit.  Depressing.  It's always so awkward when someone asks me why I'm so dressed up on casual days. I usually spit out some excuse that I just love dressing up....which is half true.  The other half is simply because nothing fits.

The real kicker is that I participated in the weight loss tradition of purging all of my "big" clothes so that I don't ever look back.  So when I lost my 50lbs I threw out alot.  All of my size 24s, 22s and a lot of my 20s are gone.  Leaving me with 18s...yikes.  I fit into some but only if they're really stretchy, blah.

I refuse to shop right now and my wallet is thanking me. I will not buy new clothes in a bigger size...I just can't.  So my only choices are to keep wearing what I'm wearing and lose some weight so that I can fit into clothes by the time it's too warm for tights. Eeeeeep!!

I can do this.  Fashion is always a great motivator!

New Beginings

It has been moooonths and months since my last post.  So many things have happened. Some amazing and some not so amazing, Here is an abbreviated bullet point list of my life the past 6 months.

• I officially moved in with my boyfriend into his apartment 20 minutes away from Philadelphia and we just recently, 5 days ago, moved north right outside NYC. 
• I started a new job outside NYC soon to be in NYC in the upcoming months.  So exciting, my career goals always involved working in the BIG city! 
• I haven't worked out in a very very long time. I've also gained all of my weight back that I lost!  I had a 1 hour 45 minute commute to work and it has been a nightmare.  Eating awful quick dinners, no time for the gym, you know...making excuses.  I've gained it all back and I'm back at square one.  Depressing but hey...I'm the only person to blame.
• My new apartment has a gym and tons of great walking space.  I am super excited to start working out again! Especially now that I have more time!
• I really miss blogging and I want to start up again. It was the best inspiration and always held me accountable!
• I feel awful again. I am always tired and I can actually feel my body carrying all the extra weight.  Just like the last time, I feel as though I have hit my low point and I'm ready to once again make the changes I need to inorder to begin this journey once more. 

So basically this post was just an update and letting everyone know that I will need to start my weightloss journey over..,.again.  This is the norm I suppose considering the fact that this will be a lifetime journey. Forever. 

What has everyone else been up to? I hope working out and being healthy! 

Everything Happens For a Reason

Wow...where can I even start?  The end of the Summer was the worst time of my life thus far.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  If something doesn't work out in your favor...I strongly believe that is because it wasn't meant to be. Long story short....I started a new job and it didn't work out and in the end I got an even better new new job.

With that being said...my current weightloss situation is bad. Very very bad.  My job is now right outside NYC and my commute is an hour and 45 minutes each way.  I wake up at 6:15am and get home from work anytime between 7-8pm.  It's brutal.  I'm always tired and my weekends are spent catching up on sleep and staying out of the car haha.  I haven't been food prepping and my eating has been not the best.

I really have to move north.  Ugh.  I LOVE PHILADELPHIA :(  I don't want to move! I love NYC but I don't really want to live in North Jersey.  However...in my line of work you have to go to where the jobs are...which are usually outside big cities.  I really like this new job so I am willing to move a little north...but not that far!!

I hope to move at the end of October.  Once that happens I hope to cut down the time I spend commuting so that I can actually have a life m-f and get back to my working out.  I've gained weight and I can tell and it hate it.  I feel gross and I need my workouts!

I'm also really sad that I can't workout with my friend and do our fit by 30 idea.  We can still do it on our own but doing it together was what it was all about. :(

Sorry I've been so MIA but I really had to step away from everything and sort my life out.  Now that it's almost sorted...haha...I can start to get back into my old habits! :)

Fit by 30

I went into Philly last night to meet up with one of my besties for dinner.  We talked and chatted and the subject of working out and losing weight came up.  I told her, over my bacon cheeseburger, that I was struggling with motivation and the desire to keep going day to day.  I explained how I needed help and I needed to feel the motivation I once did.

She's brilliant and came up with the perfect plan of action: "Fit by 30"

It's perfection.  We both will be turning 30 in November, gross, and want to be an improved version of our current selves.  By this she means feeling better mentally and physically, hence the term fit.  In no way does this mean that we are aiming to lose a set amount of weight by November, it just means we want to feel better.

I absolutely love this idea. Especially since 1. we will be doing this together and 2. I want to feel better.  We both got really excited and motivated and put a plan into action!

• I will be joining Weight Watchers again in the upcoming weeks.  I will be travelling for work next week so once I return I am going to hunt out a good location.  Weight Watchers has always worked best for me and I have had a lot of success with it.  I want to go to one around my work so that I can easily go on my lunch break. This will be so much easier because who wants to go weigh in after a long day at work...not I!  Plus sometimes I work late and I don't want to miss a meeting! Perfect solution!
• After work I will drive into the city and go to the gym with her!  We both belong to LA Fitness and I have the plan where I can go to any location.  I was previously bummed about not being close to the location I loved with all my favorite classes and gym friends.  Hopefully going to this new location with her will help with that void.
• We will do this together! Both of us have been on a yo-yo for the past few years.  The best success for both of us was in 2011 when we did it together!  We were each others support system and would always check in with each other. It worked great and we hope it happens again!

Woooooo "Fit by 30"!!

It's Time...Again and Again and Again

Sigh...

...I'm still here.  It's been a loooooong time since I've written a post so I decided that it's time to fill everyone in on what's been going on in my life!

First off...I GOT A NEW JOB! An amazing job.  A fabulous job.  Pretty much my DREAM job!  With that new job comes a lot more responsibility and work. What this translates to: no more blogging at work...womp womp.  At work blogging used to be my favorite hobby haha. I don't have a work space at home or a laptop that doesn't resemble a fossil, so I rarely boot up to write.  And let's be real...typing a whole post on an iPad...no thanks.  Work was really the only time I ever updated so since I can't do that anymore...that's why there haven't been many posts.  OH and the fact that I have made some terrible mistakes....

Yes. I've backtracked. A lot.

I am currently in a downward spiral headed back to where I started at over 300lbs.  This news saddens me to a point of tears. I'm in denial and I will not step on the scale.  I can not and will not face that disgusting number that tells me that I've failed.  I hate that word...fail.  Someone can only fail if they give up and I refuse to give up.  However, I will be honest with myself and admit that I've really messed up.  Bad.

Even though I don't know how much weight I've actually gained...I can tell by the way that I look and feel that it isn't good.  My face looks bigger and my clothes feel different.  I used to get so excited about how my clothes fit and now I get sad.  I hate this feeling and it's time to really fix it.

I know I know...how many times have I typed that sentence on this blog?? Probably about 100. In fact...I believe I wrote an inspiring post a few posts back saying it was time to fix things...and guess what?! I didn't.  That's life.  You make these big plans based on the motivation you're feeling and then it doesn't work out.  That's all a big part of this thing we call a weightloss journey.  It sucks, yes, but it's important.  Everyone must reach their lows in life to appreciate the highs and strive for improvement.

There are so many things going against me and it would be so easy to say "f this...I quit!" But no...I can't do that because as I have stated over and over....I.will.not.fail.

My new job is in Philadelphia which is about 45mins to an hour commute.  This is where my problems are happening.  I no longer work near my favorite gym location.  This is heartbreaking.  All of my favorite classes, gym friends and instructors were here!  Not only was the gym close to my old job, but it was SO easy for me to make all of the 5:45pm classes after work.  Now...I don't even get home until 6pm and I am about 20 minutes away from that location.  No more kickboxing, no more skanky zumba, no more gym friends and no more favorite instructors. This alone is terrible. Heartbreaking. Unfortunate.  Anyone who works out knows how important it is to enjoy what you're doing...add a few friends to the equation and you got yourself a great gym routine. The only solution to this that I can come up with is to find replacements. Find new classes to fall in love with and make new friends. Lame.

I really need to make a new routine.  I need to go to work, eat on track, come home and workout.  I can do this.  I know I can.  I just need to start from scratch and DO IT.  This pretty much means starting at the beginning.  My workout progress has def regressed and I need to start slow again. I think that walking outside is the best place to start...

Help me get my motivation back.